Monday, April 11, 2011

My little baby...

Today it happened....What will inevitably happen to all of us (in varying degrees) at some point...Today I had the worst day of my life so far...
In a nutshell: I went in to my doctor, found out that I was 16 weeks pregnant (I was off on my dates so I wasn't sure how far along I was) then found out that I had lost our sweet little baby. I knew the moment I saw that little body on the screen that it was lifeless. Heartbreak. Im am writing this because I know that there are so many woman who have gone through similar experiences, because I want to have a record of this day and because I want ask for your prayers. I go in for my D&C tomorrow and I am so nervie.
I am so thankful for my beliefs. For the knowledge that I will get to raise this little baby after this life, that he was so sweet and innocent that he only needed to receive a body for such a short time and was able to quickly return home to his father in heaven.

57 comments:

Amy D. said...

tHINKING OF YOU. XOXOXOX

becky said...

ann...my heart is aching. having gone through this just last week, it's still really fresh for me. the emptiness and loss of having this baby is devastating. i pray you have comfort and that He will pour His blessings on you!

i love ya!

{irene} said...

Oh Ann...so sorry to hear this. I will definitely be praying for you tomorrow.

andrea said...

I am so so very sorry Ann. Heartbreaking. I cannot imagine. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your sweet family. Love, Andrea

Leah said...

Love you friend.

jessica said...

So SO sad! I am so sorry! I don't know you personally but my heart aches for you.

Suzanne said...

Ann, I am just in tears for you. I was wondering why you weren't at Jane's today and I'm so sad you were going through this. My thoughts, prayers and love go out to you. Hope you feel peace and love from our Father in Heaven!

Kateastrophe said...

Oh Ann, this is so hard. I know everyone has a story but I lost two babies right in a row last year and it's the hardest thing I've ever been through. It gets better though, promise. Thoughts and prayers and love and strength are headed your way from down in AZ.

meggan said...

My heart broke in half when I read this. I love you and your family and will keep you all in my prayers.

mom24orsinis said...

So sorry to hear of your loss...I had 2 miscarriages as well, and no matter how short your pregnancy, the loss is painful :( It will get better, but it's good to mourn this loss for even as Jesus knew He would raise Lazarus from the dead, he still cried at his death...thankful for the hope of peace for your baby and an eternal home to look forward to!

Praying for your peace and comfort!

Natalie said...

Oh Gosh Ann, I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure your heart is heavy right now, I hope that you and your family are hanging in there, I will be thinking & praying for you all.

me said...

Oh, Ann... Lots of prayers and good thoughts your way. I'm close again, please, let me know if you need help in any way. Love you.

The Hungry Wife said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

nicole said...

losing babies is probably one of the hardest things we as mothers have to go through...especially when sisters and friends and cousins and almost everyone we know are pregnant (with healthy pregnancies). my heart aches for you. i promise it will get better with time...not that this really brings much consolation right now as your heart breaks, and your arms ache to hold your precious little one.
my thoughts and prayers are with you.
it's natural to be nervous for tomorrow...but d&cs really aren't bad at all. make sure you stay down and get plenty of rest for a few days (even though you'll probably feel great enough to take on the world. don't!)...you should snap back beautifully. sending lots of love and well wishes your way.

-john and nicole eagleston

abby said...

i'm so so sorry ann. that's just devastating. thinking of you.

Amy said...

Oh, Ann.....this is so close to home for me. When we went for our 20 week appointment (a few years ago), the same thing happened. Lifeless baby. Instead of a D&C, they actually induced labor and I had to deliver our baby boy. It was hands down the worst day of my life. I know how much it hurt for me, so I can only imagine how much you are hurting. Will be thinking about you and your family today.

Amy Tice (wigginton)

annieglan said...

I am so sorry :( I too experienced a miscarriage. It was a hard time for me, as I am sure it is you. But you will get through it. Know there is a reason why you never got to meet your sweet baby. God will show you why soon enough.

billiebrand said...

Hi, You don't know me but I also have a shop on etsy, I live in Utah and I read your blog all the time. I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to tell you that I actually just lost a 14 week baby and I know how you feel. It is hard to go through but I also can tell you that happiness comes again. I got pregnant a month after my miscarriage and I am now 10 weeks along. I have a new reality knowing that miscarriage is real for me but I, like you, know that whatever happens is happening because the Lord needs it to happen this way and he will make it all work out for our happiness in the end.

Liv said...

I don't even know you personally, but I'm crying. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm grateful for the Gospel.

Amber P said...

I love you!!! I'm so sorry!

Tiffany said...

Ann.

I am so sorry for your loss. My sister just went through this a couple months back and it was so devastating for us all. I am praying peace and comfort for you till you two are reunited.

Beesley Family said...

Ann- just want you to know we love you guys and are praying for you and Adam both. Stay strong but do share the burden with our Savior. Ang

Jewels said...

Sweetest Ann, I am just weeping. I know no one who is a more devoted, loving Mother than you. How lucky this little baby was to have you as his Mom, how lucky that you will be together again and able to raise him. Families are forever. I have been thinking about you so much this last week...you are surrounded by so many people that love you. What a comfort the Gospel brings! I love you.

Magdalena said...

You are such a good mother - so sweet and so smart to document this time in life. Only the very best to you Ann.

{The Christian's} said...

Ann, I am so sorry. I'm praying for you and your family!

Davis Family said...

Thankyou Ann for sharing your loss on your blog.  I found it less lonely when I heard from so many woman who had been through this too. You are no doubt helping others feel less alone. A pregnancy will never be so carefree again but know that you are strong enough to overcome and you will have a miracle, and it will be at the perfect time.

Bethany said...

Ann I can't stop the tears, I am so so sorry. You are such a sweetheart, I love your words. I don't comment much but I love your blog. You are one amazing mommy.

Elyse said...

prayers for you and your sweet family...

Mindy said...

I am so sorry. I know what your going through. I will keep you and yor family in my prayers.

stella and olivias mommy said...

i'm so sorry for your loss. you WILL be with him again, he was definitely a very special spirit. i pray you will feel peace and our savior's love.

Brittany said...

Ann-

I am so sorry to hear this news! So sorry! Jon and I lost a babe last year about this same time. I was devestated. I can only imagine how you feel. It's such a hard thing. I hope that you and Adam are on the way to healing. It will definitely take time. You and yours are in my prayers. Much love!

Shannon "Fuller" Davis said...

Ann I am so sorry. I will be praying and thinking about you...

sarah marie. said...

I still don't have Internet so I didn't know you posted this. I'm proud of you ann because you are being so strong and hopeful. I love you so much and love that little baby in heaven and can't wait to meet him/her someday.

The Catmull Crowd said...

Thoughts and Prayers for your little family, I am so sorry you have to go through this!

Ruth said...

I am SO sorry. This is very sad news. Prayer are on there way up. I feel like My line has been a little more direct since I have had Davy :)

Melany said...

dear ann, i'm so sorry. i'm a big fan of your shop and have peeked at your blog once in a while, and this just made my heart ache. i had a miscarriage trying for our second child a few months ago and i think it's one of the most terrible things a woman can go through. i'm also LDS and i don't know what i would've done if i hadn't had the spirit to comfort me. i hope you have a healthy recovery and you're in my prayers.

- melany

Meg said...

You have no idea who I am, but my heart breaks for you and your adorable little family. I lost a little bean while 22 weeks pregnant...and it's life changing...to say the least. This sweet babe will be a part of you for the rest of your life, even though he/she will never be in your arms. But trust me, they will always, always, always be in your heart. I still think about my babe daily, and it's almost been two years. Sending you lots of strength....from a total stranger in Seattle.
xo

Erin said...

We love you guys. xoxo

AnnieC said...

My heart is breaking for you. Blessings, Love, and Light.

Janaan said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

Heather "Rita" said...

love you and thinking of you...

Heather "Rita" said...

Love you...we've been thinking of and praying for you guys each day...

Susan said...

you've been in my thoughts all week, dear girl.

xoxo

d feist said...

Ann, you have a little angel watching over you and Jude. We miss you and send love and prayers your way.

Brynn said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and for your loss! I am grateful that you posted this, because it's almost something that no one really talks about much and you just keep to yourself for some reason. I have lost 3 babies and I know how hard all of this is to go through. Esp. living in Utah there's a big reminder everywhere, when there's nothing you want more. I pray that you are doing well and will feel peace and love knowing that you will be with that sweet baby again.
Brynn

erica said...

Oh how my heart breaks for you and your little family. I had a little scare with my second, I was told that I was going to miscary but after lots and lots of tests things looked okay. But I remember feeling devestated.
We are lucky to have the knowledge we do with the gospel. yOu will be with that little babe again :)
Hang in there.

KamilahNYC said...

I'm so sorry, Ann. You are in my prayers.

Hannah said...

I am sorry for your loss. Having been through it before I know a little something of your pain. I hope you may keep the peace and comfort that you have felt.

Amberli said...

oh ann, i'm so sorry...miscarriages are so devastating. i hope you're heart is healing...

kimsueellen said...

This loss is so heartbreaking. My heart is with you and your family. Having also suffered the loss of a baby at 16 weeks, this pain is awful to bear. Thank you for sharing and for reminding me that I too will see my baby again, something that gets hard to remember when I am really feeling blue. Much love. xoxo

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